13 Weeks' Reflection

Goodbye...

Three months passed so quickly without me noticing and this signals the last week for ES2007S. I remember from my first post that effective communication takes into account verbal and non-verbal gestures, as well as the emotional state of the listener and the environment. This, certainly, has not changed. The course has given meaning to what I defined as effective communication by deepening my understanding in a systematic manner through instructor’s guidance and discussions with course mates.

Being the leader of the group project, it is always a challenge between being assertive and listening to group members’ opinions by being a team player. Our group tried to minimise that by inculcating an open and clear communication policy where we speak freely about each others’ work and revise accordingly. Nobody is better than the other in our case. This helped us to meet the many pressing deadlines and our interpersonal relationships certainly improved since all of us take turns to speak and listen to each other. It was a positive experience on the whole. This two-way communication approach is what I wish to introduce in all my future group projects.

Besides group project, I have also learnt much about effective communication through the many interaction sessions in class as well as the online blogs of course mates on sharing their insightful thoughts. It was through all these that I developed better written and oral communications in terms of structuring my ideas in a concise and coherent flow.

The skills gained from this course are definitely beyond my expectations as mentioned in my first blog post and I feel I am a more effective communicator now. All these are not possible with anyone less. As such, I wish to extend my appreciation to “Chop Chop” Christine (Course Instructor) and also to my twelve wonderful course mates!

My Biodata: A 3rd Party's Perspective

Johny is currently a third year NUS undergraduate majoring in Chemistry. He has a deep interest in analytical chemistry because of the wide variety of practical applications it can bring to benefit the modern world.

Besides excelling academically, Johny also believes in holistic development through life-skill learning. As such, he took up lifeguard and CPR courses in case somebody in distress requires help one day. He also set himself a goal to learn at least one life skill annually.

Having served onboard different vessels in the navy, Johny is highly adaptable and independent. Leadership quality is also his strong point. He held the position of Staff sergeant in NCC during his secondary school days and moved on to become the Vice-chairman of Science society in Jurong Junior College. He was in charge of organizing many events such as the annual Science fair and orientation meeting for the new members. Johny’s leadership ability saw him through national service where he joined the Officer Cadet School to commission as a naval officer.

Leading a balanced lifestyle is what Johny engaged in too. Outside of class, he actively participates in various sports such as basketball, jogging and swimming. Water activities ranging from diving to power boating are also part of Johny’s leisure pursuit. He hopes to do skydiving one day!

Finally, Johny firmly believes that we only live life once. Hence, one should make the most out of it through life-long learning and possess the curiosity to experience the different chapters of life. “Life is like a coin. You can spend it any way you wish, but you only spend it once.”

Animal communication. The ideal one?

Throughout the course, we have been learning how to communicate better with another person through verbal and non-verbal means. But probing deeper, I asked myself why do we need to learn all these? Is it to bring out the best of ourselves? Is it to avoid misunderstanding? Or is there even a need to learn to communicate better?

Personally, I feel that human language is highly sophisticated as we are able to express ourselves in infinite ways by just using a few words or gestures. On the contrary, animal communicates using a set of responses due to stimuli. In animal systems, each signal has one and only one function. More than one sign cannot share the same meaning. For example,

Bees dance when they have found nectar.

Elephants show affection by entwining their trunks.

Gorillas stick out their tongues to show anger.

Horses rub noses as a sign of affection.

Unlike animals, humans can lie. They can use language to distort the world around them. Animal communication is based on a limited inventory of signs. If you learn the set of signals and their meaning then you know the system completely; there is no creativity for extending it further. This is not the case with human language. If you were to learn the entire set of words in any human language, you would still not know the language.

We can say that the signs of animal communication are more like inborn and involuntary human reactions such as laughter and sneezing than they are like human language.

We know humans have always had laughter and tears as natural inborn responses. Children develop them naturally and they don't change from generation to generation even though we can use these responses deliberately or to suppress our naturally-felt urges to express them.

Comparing both, the animal communication system is much simpler to comprehend. With that, don’t you think the world will be a better place to be in if the human communication is as direct and honest as what the animals do?

Interculture scerario: The Handshake

It was the first lecture of an elective module that I took during year 2. I was sitting by myself and two seats away from me was a girl who doesn’t look local to me. Belonging to the group of sleep-deprived students, I dozed off soon after lesson started and missed out on some important information about the module as a result. Since she was seated nearest to me, I seek her help regarding the module information that I missed and she was kind to answer all my queries.

After the lesson, I approached her to introduce myself and to thank her for the help. I extended my hand to initiate a handshake in the midst of introducing myself. Surprisingly, she declined the handshake offer, leaving me feeling rather awkward with my right hand extended and interacting with air. Before leaving, I asked about her nationality and she gladly replied, “Sri Lanka.”

From my understanding, handshake is also common in their culture but it usually occurs between the same sexes. Many Sri Lankan women avoid physical contact with the opposite sex unless he is from the same family. In fact, this conservative practice also applies in many countries of the Middle East which are largely conservative societies.

Thinking back, I guessed the above account was the first intercultural situation I have encountered in NUS so far. It was definitely a unique experience and I was lucky that it was not a hug that I offer or else she will scream!

Business Email: Reply to a request

Subject: Re: Enquiry on permission to photo-taking in IKEA playground
To: johnyz86@hotmail.com
From: karen_chua@ikeastore.com.sg
Date: Thu, 28 Aug 2008 14:27:19 +0800

Dear Johnny,

My apologies that this is not possible as we have strict operations guidelines to adhere to. What I can do is to send you some images tomorrow and of course, you are more than welcome to drop by for a visit but we will not be able to allow adults to enter Smaland (the play area).

Thank you & kind regards,
Karen Chua
IKEA Singapore IKANO Private Limited
60 Tampines North Drive 2Singapore 528764
Tel: +65 6379 1982 (DID)
+65 6786 6868 (Main)
HP: +65 8299 4345
Fax: +65 6786 6888
E-mail: karen_chua@ikeastore.com.sghttp://www.IKEA.com.sg


The above business email was a reply with regards to a request to enter the play area to observe and take a few photos of children playing. The email was certainly courteous because efforts were made to extend their apologies when they could not adhere to our request.

In terms of clarity, correctness and conciseness, I feel that the sentence “What I can do…enter Smaland (the play area)” could be shortened to improve on the sentence structure. Shorter sentences would increase the extent of clarity and conciseness, conveying accurate intentions to the readers. The coherence of the email was acceptable because conjunctions such as “and, but, as” were used to achieve smooth transitions between phrases.

The email could be more concrete in terms of listing out the images of the specific areas of the play area that will be sent to me. Also, if possible, they could elaborate more on why the request was denied instead of a generic phrase, “strict operations guidelines”. With that, the completeness of the email would then be enhanced.

In my opinion, the email was less formal but nevertheless well-written because my request were looked into and addressed appropriately. They were quick to offer apologies for the constraints they faced but yet, offer other alternatives to fulfil our request.

Do you have what it takes to solve this?

“The following account was from my cousin while she was working for her previous company. Nancy was a colleague of my cousin, Lucy, in ABC Company. Both of them were in the same department. Being the most junior in the department, Lucy worked hard and performed well. The problem occurred when Lucy started hearing rumors from her other colleagues about her incompetency in work and poor work attitude. Lucy was even summoned to the manager’s office and was told to improve on her work performance.

For months, Lucy was disliked by both the manager and her colleagues. Fortunately, one colleague finally went up to Lucy and told her that the rumors originated from Nancy. Lucy was skeptical initially, thinking that the colleague was trying to create dispute between Nancy and her. Sadly, after much observation by Lucy, she found out that Nancy was the originator of the rumors. Nancy, being competitive and aggressive, was envious of Lucy’s performance and was trying ways and means to create discontentment between Lucy and the rest of the department. Nancy was on close terms with the manager and even claimed that she helped Lucy with most of the work. That was the reason why Lucy was reprimanded by the manager even though she performed relatively well.

Needless to say, Lucy confronted Nancy directly to seek justice for all the slander made previously. Nancy denied Lucy’s accusations and even blamed Lucy for trying to ruin her reputation. After the confrontation, both Nancy and Lucy stopped talking to each other and the rumors of Lucy became worse. She even received emails and online messages (MSN) from Nancy, containing hurtful comments of her. She did counter Nancy’s hurtful messages by requesting Nancy for a face-to-face talk but was greeted by more upsetting mails from Nancy. Lucy found it difficult to concentrate on her work and seek the manager’s advice on her interpersonal conflict with Nancy. Being in close terms with Nancy, the manager obviously sided with Nancy. Being passive and submissive in nature, Lucy finally gave up and resigned from her job after two months.”

Interpersonal conflict, from my understanding, is part and parcel of life. You have seen it occurs between husband and wife, between mother and daughter, between friends and many other daily encounters. Basically, interpersonal conflicts can be classified into “Task conflict” and “Affective conflict”. The former recognizes the differences in opinions towards achieving a goal is the source of conflict between two parties whereas the latter focus on personal differences between the two parties. Hence, “Affective conflict” should be more appropriate for the above account.

It is important that we recognize the unceasing presence of interpersonal conflict, not because we have to accept it as our way of life. But rather, we have to understand the strategies we can adopt in handling such scenarios when they do occur. (Touchwood!)
There are many books and manuals teaching us various ways to resolve conflicts and the list go on. Personally, I adopt a simplified approach towards resolving all interpersonal conflicts that I encounter; “Flight, Fight and Unite” approach.

“Flight” means exiting yourself from the conflict. In a situation where the conflict seems getting out of control, one could refrain from engaging any further for fear of worsening the situation. This is what happened to my cousin, Lucy, in her case. She resigned from her job to avoid further confrontation. But is the choice to leave the best option given her biased manager’s stand? What could possibly be a better alternative then? “Fight” would then be direct communication with the other party, i.e. face-to-face talk. This would minimize any misunderstanding resulted from inappropriate use of words via channels such as emails and SMS. Back to the above account, Nancy was avoiding Lucy’s request for a direct talk even though I would think that this is the best solution for resolving the conflict. So, do you think it is possible for Lucy to have a direct talk with Nancy? “Unite” would then be the interacting with the other party in a non-assertive manner. We did not see this happening in Lucy’s case. Why is that so? Does it mean that persons of two opposite nature (such as Nancy and Lucy) cannot talk it through then? Would a neutral party as mediator be preferred in this case?

As an end note, one should remember we can only control our response to the conflict but not the outcome.
Do you agree?

If you have an answer to any of my questions, feel free to comment!

Cheers!

Importance of Effective Communication Skills

Communication, from what I understand, is what most of us are capable of when conveying our intentions to another party. But seriously, to what extent have our intentions been always accurately perceived by the listener? I believed majority of us at some point or another, do encounter situations where our intentions were not brought across to the listener effectively and consequently, tempers would flare and relationships were strained. Effective communication, I believed, served to minimize this miscommunication gap by optimizing verbal and non-verbal gestures, as well as the emotional state of the listener and the conduciveness of the environment which is often overlooked.

Being a naval personnel, I have served many attachments onboard various ships and I could appreciate the importance of cultivating effective communication skills. I shall share my experience onboard to illustrate my point. For example, navigating a ship out at sea requires a team of crew which is usually called the “Bridge team”. The team consists of various positions such as helmsman, lookout and the most important position is none other than the leader of that team, namely “Officer of the watch (OOW)”. It is very important for the OOW to convey his intentions clearly to the team, because any misinterpretation of the OOW’s intentions by the rest of the team could land the ship in dangerous marine situations and even disastrous collisions in which innocent lives will be lost. For instance, the OOW adopts a jokingly tone while giving instructions to the team and one can imagine how well the team can perform competently and professionally.

From these, you can see how effective communication plays an important role in ensuring the safety of everyone onboard the ship. Cultivating effective communication skills are definitely important and relevant to me because I will have to lead a “bridge team” in the future. Of course, effective communication does not just apply to my work only. There is also much importance in my social life in which effective communication plays, especially in my future marriage. I strongly believe that without effective two-way communication, marriage does not last long and will eventually end up in the rising figures of divorces happening in our today’s society.

As such, I hope to become a more effective communicator through Professional Communication and I strongly believe that what I will achieve from this course will be beyond my expectations.

Cheers!