Subject: Re: Enquiry on permission to photo-taking in IKEA playground
To: johnyz86@hotmail.com
From: karen_chua@ikeastore.com.sg
Date: Thu, 28 Aug 2008 14:27:19 +0800
Dear Johnny,
My apologies that this is not possible as we have strict operations guidelines to adhere to. What I can do is to send you some images tomorrow and of course, you are more than welcome to drop by for a visit but we will not be able to allow adults to enter Smaland (the play area).
Thank you & kind regards,
Karen Chua
IKEA Singapore IKANO Private Limited
60 Tampines North Drive 2Singapore 528764
Tel: +65 6379 1982 (DID)
+65 6786 6868 (Main)
HP: +65 8299 4345
Fax: +65 6786 6888
E-mail: karen_chua@ikeastore.com.sghttp://www.IKEA.com.sg
The above business email was a reply with regards to a request to enter the play area to observe and take a few photos of children playing. The email was certainly courteous because efforts were made to extend their apologies when they could not adhere to our request.
In terms of clarity, correctness and conciseness, I feel that the sentence “What I can do…enter Smaland (the play area)” could be shortened to improve on the sentence structure. Shorter sentences would increase the extent of clarity and conciseness, conveying accurate intentions to the readers. The coherence of the email was acceptable because conjunctions such as “and, but, as” were used to achieve smooth transitions between phrases.
The email could be more concrete in terms of listing out the images of the specific areas of the play area that will be sent to me. Also, if possible, they could elaborate more on why the request was denied instead of a generic phrase, “strict operations guidelines”. With that, the completeness of the email would then be enhanced.
In my opinion, the email was less formal but nevertheless well-written because my request were looked into and addressed appropriately. They were quick to offer apologies for the constraints they faced but yet, offer other alternatives to fulfil our request.
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Hi Johny,
ReplyDeleteI do agree with you that the email was a bit informal but still the tone of the email is polite and sincere. However, in my opinion, I feel that they do have their constraints for not revealing the "strict operations guidelines", just like any other organizations, they all have their individual guidelines and standard operation procedures which cannot be revealed to any other people who does not belong to the organization.
JF
Hieyo Johny! (I realised you only have 1 'n')
ReplyDeleteNow everyone knows your hotmail. Maybe you will face an onslaught of msn requests. LOL!
I agree with you that the phrase "strict operation guidelines" is quite vague. Maybe, they could have explained that you can't take pictures because they have to take into account the privacy of their customers. Just an example.
And yes, that second sentence isn't very clear because the sentence is too long. So, Karen is inviting you to view the pictures taken by Ikea tomorrow? And is tomorrow the only day you can drop by her office to view the pictures? Do you need to enter Smaland to drop by her office? I think this email lacks clarity and completeness.
This email is really short. The details of Karen Chua seems longer than the message in the email tself...
Hi Johny!
ReplyDeleteThe courtesy of the letter is certainly excellent! Friendly and polite tone. Also, it was good that they apologized right at the start of the email for not fulfilling to your request, but offered other alternatives.
Just a bit more to work on the conciseness of the letter. For example, it was unclear about the purpose of the visit? To look at the photos or the Smaland? .. so perhaps she could have provided more information.
Cecilia =)
Yo Johny,
ReplyDeleteThe letter you posted is really concise. In just four short sentences, it managed to apologize, provide a explanation,and also provide alternatives.
However,I do agree with kaylene and you, that the company should give a clearer explanation on why you cant enter Smaland. Perhaps the playground is too small to accommodate adults or the structure is unable to withstand adult's weight.
Hey Johny!
ReplyDeleteI just love to read short emails! Haha.
Anyway, I thought that the email was concise as it was able to convey the messages effectively in a paragraph.
However, I was a bit puzzled when I was reading the second sentence. Perhaps, the structure of the sentence could be improved further to make it more understandable.
With regards to the apology, I thought that it doesn't sound sincere enough? To me, the email also has a more informal tone rather than a formal one.
Hi Johny,
ReplyDeleteI think they would not need to elaborate on “strict operations guidelines”, as maybe they wanted to withhold certain information due to company confidential issues.
I do agree that the letter was courteous, and they have offered alternatives. However, I was a bit confused, just side track a bit, “you are more than welcome to drop by for a visit but we will not be able to allow adults to enter Smaland”, so if I were to take pictures from outside, will they allow? As I know that Ikea playground, from the outside you’re able to see, but the clarity of the pictures may not be that good.
[wow this is old. I wrote this way back on Feb 15, but was unable to post.]
ReplyDeleteHi Johny,
First of all, why did you want to gain access to Smaland in the first place? Not that I'm accusing you of anything, just asking. I assume it was to take pictures for a project?
Anyway, I don't know how much shorter this email could be. It communicates its message - rejection of a request. Yes, the "strict guidelines" part may sound vague, but what should she say? It seems clear that the guideline is that no adults are allowed in Smaland.
As to tone, I agree with CeciLia.
Best,
Matt